Darkness is a harsh term don't you think?

When it’s a female the words change, even when the circumstances are all the same. It goes from being wrong to a slip in judgment; from rape to sex. From assault to sleeping with, a jail sentence to parole and community service, from a monster on the news to a teenage dream. But none of these things are true or real. Changing what it’s called just to satisfy society doesn’t change the gravity of what happened. Women aren’t supposed to be abusers. In a society that constantly shows women as the victim in these situations it’s impossible for someone to comprehend that these things happen. People and “experts”, come out of the woodwork to defend the women in question, claiming an abusive relationship caused their actions. Their actions explained away by mental illnesses. When it’s a man in question it turns into “Let’s punish the SOB!” (and ask questions later).

I tell them I’m afraid I’m going to turn into her. They reassure me, telling me I’m nothing like her, that her actions and words don’t define who I am. They love me for who I am, not what I do for them. They worry about me and want me to be safe, to keep myself safe. I’m afraid to tell them that I’m not quite sure how to do that. It’s an everyday struggle to keep myself present. Waiting for the train I press myself against the wall, it’s all I can do to keep myself from doing something I’ll regret.