Honesty.

I've been obsessed with honesty, and telling the truth for the longest time. Lately I've been finding myself wanting to tell my friends more about my past, wanting to open up and explain why I am the way that I am. But more importantly just wanting to feel like I can breathe. It's weird, I used to work so hard making sure that no one noticed that anything was out of the ordinary. Now, I just want someone to talk to, someone real.

In my last counselling session, I showed him the cuts on my arms. I don't remember much of what happened after, I could feel myself starting to float away, I was out of my body and could see the whole scene unfold in front of me. There's not many who know about the scars, I've been able to keep them all hidden pretty well. I've turned down offers to go swimming because I didn't want to deal with the questions that would come with letting them show.

I haven't cut in 6 or so months, I'm on my way to recovery. Apart of recovery is being completely honest with myself and those around me.

I'd be lying if I said it isn't terrifying.